How to talk with your children about their bodies
Foster an environment where you child feels safe talking to you about everything. Explain that our body is amazing, and when it feels ‘unsafe’, always lets us know. Encourage your child to stand up for others who may be being bullied or harassed. From day one, call your child’s genitals by their correct names. Ensure your child knows that their private parts (including the mouth) are private. Explain that private means ‘just for you.’ Tell your child that if anyone touches their private parts, asks to touch their private parts, or shows them pictures of private parts, they need to tell a trusted adult right away. Teach your child to respect another person’s body boundary also, and that they need to ask for consent before crossing it. That means, for example, if they want to hold another child’s hand, they need to ask permission. And if that child says ‘no,’ they need to respect and accept that child’s wishes. Explain body boundaries and personal distance. Help your child choose three to five trusted adults they could tell anything to and would be believed.
How to deal with shame and build empathy in children
Guilt is an emotion that serves the function of telling us when we have done something wrong. It is a good emotion because it can lead us towards corrective action and empathy for harms done to another person. Shame, on the other hand, has no healthy function in our lives. It causes the person to feel like fundamentally deep down inside there is an uncorrectable flaw. Shame causes all kinds of problems internally. Through psychodrama and other therapeutic activities, we teach our patients how to get rid of shame for good. At Essential Touchstones, we believe in detecting and getting rid of shame early on. Undiagnosed shame can wreak havoc on development and contributes to many types of mental disorders. Shame, fortunately, is very treatable.