Parenting: Four Styles, Real-World Examples, and What Research Tells Us
by Alyssa E. Killebrew, Ph.D., LPC-S, Clinical Psychologist
These very unique souls born to us don’t come with an operator’s manual. Parenting, for most of us, is trial and error—shaped by a child’s personality and temperament, our own upbringing, culture, stress level, and the season of life we’re in.
Every child is different. What works beautifully for one may completely fail for another. A few things we know for sure: decades of developmental research show that there are four main types of overall parenting styles. Most parents don’t fit neatly into just one—but understanding them helps us parent with more intention and less guilt.
One theory of parenting refers to FOUR PARENTING STYLES
1. PERMISSIVE PARENTING (High warmth, low structure)
Permissive parents are loving, responsive, and deeply connected to their children—but they struggle with limits and follow-through.
Examples:
– “I don’t want to upset them.”
– Inconsistent routines or rules
– Consequences are discussed but not enforced
Permissive Pros:
– Strong emotional bond
– Children feel heard and valued
– Encourages creativity and self-expression
Permissive Cons:
– Difficulty with self-control and boundaries
– Increased impulsivity
– Struggles with frustration tolerance
Research Insight:
Children raised in permissive environments often feel loved but lack the structure needed to develop self-discipline and emotional regulation.
2. AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING (Low warmth, high control)
Authoritarian parenting emphasizes obedience, rules, and consequences with little emotional flexibility.
Examples:
– “Because I said so.”
– Strict rules with harsh consequences
– Yelling used to gain compliance
Authoritarian Pros:
– Clear expectations
– Predictable rules
– Short-term obedience
Authoritarian Cons:
– Increased fear or resentment
– Higher risk of anxiety and low self-esteem
– Poor emotional expression
Research Insight:
Authoritarian parenting may produce obedience but is associated with poorer emotional health and weaker parent-child relationships.
3. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING (High warmth, high structure)
Authoritative parenting combines emotional connection with clear, consistent boundaries.
Examples:
– “I understand you’re upset, and the rule still stands.”
– Calm, consistent discipline
– Teaching-focused consequences
Authoritative Pros:
– Strong emotional security
– Healthy independence
– Better emotional and academic outcomes
Authoritative Cons:
– Requires patience and consistency
– Harder to maintain under stress
Research Insight:
This style is linked to higher resilience, emotional regulation, and social competence.
4. NEGLECTFUL (UNINVOLVED) PARENTING (Low warmth, low structure)
Neglectful parenting occurs when parents are emotionally unavailable or disengaged.
Examples:
– Minimal supervision
– Little emotional involvement
– Few expectations or routines
Neglectful Pros:
– Children may become independent, self-sufficient, and resourceful
Neglectful Cons:
– Attachment difficulties
– Emotional neglect
– Higher risk for behavioral and mental health concerns
Research Insight:
Children may develop survival skills but often lack emotional safety and trust.
WHAT RESEARCH ALSO TELLS US
Yelling is not helpful.
Yelling activates a child’s stress response, not their learning brain.
Arguing escalates dysregulation.
Power struggles increase emotional escalation rather than teaching.
Discipline means to teach, not punish.
Effective discipline is consistent, developmentally appropriate, and focused on learning and repair.
FINAL THOUGHT
Parents don’t need to be perfect. They need to be present, regulated, and predictable.
When warmth and structure work together, children feel safe, seen, and guided.